Midweek Smash and Grab

I do midweek action good.

Bah, I totally had a great theme for this update earlier today, and just as I sit down to write it, I forget it. It was a real good one too, filled with puns up the ass. Alas we must move on. We must move forwards, not backwards. Upwards not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!


A double dose of action, nauseating action, was on the cards as Villa took on Reading and QPR visited the Stadium of Light. 120 minutes of action, and clearly the lights were turned off in the Sunderland/QPR match as neither seem fit to score. Taarabt again demonstrated why ‘Arry sold him off during his spell at Spurs. Expect history to repeat itself come January.

Insert Funny Pun Here

Meanwhile at Villa, they actually managed to bulge the old Onion bag there, saving a dreadful day of EPL action.  Not even the Crystals could save them, or can they?

Call me, Maybe, please?


Chelsea v Fulham, Manchester United v West Ham and Spurs v Liverpool were on the TV sets. Finally some action, too bad it was only in the first 30 seconds. Luckily for me, I had Crystal Palace to save me. Hooray for Right Click, Save.

I fully expect Chelsea FC to release another notice stating they regret to have hired Rafa Benitez. Fact, he is shit. On the other side of London, we have AVB and Brendan Rodgers. Two guys clearly over their heads at their current clubs. If I was running either club I would bring in RDM right now. _Insert Joke here and borderline racist pun here_

What to Watch for

  • More Bort License plates at the gift shop.
  • The Dark Knight Redknapp Rises
  • #MACtion for BCS


Guess Who’s Back, Back Again



Well the inevitable happened, Happy time ‘Arry has finally had enough to greive over his dog Rosie. Unable to check his email and cash his checks without her, he passed around his number to owners hoping they would call him, maybe.

Well this weeks action was more like a water balloon to the left tit of Rosie O”Donnell. Sure in theory your initially happy then the action occurs.

Sunderland vs West Bromwich Albion

So this was the left tit, action galore. Little Drogs scoring goals. The Rosie part was Martin O’Neil threatening to resign before I could speculate him being sacked.  I was literally waiting for this entry to do so. Anyways that Steve Clark bloke, maybe Chelsea should go after him when they do to Rafa what they did to others.

Manchester United vs QPR

Normal service was return at Old Trafford. With ‘Arry looking on, QPR took an early lead before loosing their heads up their ass for 10 minutes and by then they were down 3-1. Hernandez returned to his scoring ways from his familiar spot on the bench. Taarabt continues to make his way to the exit door in January.

Aston Villa vs Arsenal

This whole match was a Rosie O’Donnel Tit.

Swansea City vs Liverpool

A Dreadful match in Brendan Rodgers return to Wales. Luckily I only watched the final half hour.

Chelsea vs Man City

Fat Rafa is fat, that’s a fact. Also Rafa is not the fan favorite at the Bridge as they took a week off from labeling someone a racist or calling someone a N***** to fire a coach that won the UCL and FA Cup no more than 6 months before. Also Torres still sucks.

What To Watch For

  • ‘Arry on Sky from his Car


It was a rather weak fixture list, so there was not much to be seen. But there was plenty of Red to be see, throughout the EPL fixture list.

Arsenal vs Spurs

Adebayor was screaming bloody murder after his ill advised tackle sent him to the dressing room about 70 minutes early. AVB’s face was as red as a strawberry knowing he has failed at another London club. Dont worry, there at least 6 other clubs in the city.

West Brom vs Chelsea

A Hazard Warning has been announced for those around the Stamford Bridge area. Especially Spanish number 9’s, they are the one at most at risk. Steve Clarke on the other side is proving that when Roy Hodgson is given time, he can bring in and develop quality players. Arent we glad those idiots in Merseyside didnt give him the right amount of time.

QPR vs Southampton

Well, in the finale of the Mark Hughes QPR reality show, we see why, again, this show was destined to be canceled. Breakdowns, and no action equals low ratings. It was nice knowing you, Sparky.

Norwich vs Man United

My final match of the weekend, it doesnt happened very often but SAF was left with a red nose as he completely got the tactics wrong. Inserting Giggs into the Scholes role never got off the ground, and then failing to sub him out was worse.

What to Watch For

  • Gobble Gobble
  • People Watching, the ultimate Reality Show
  • Harlan County and ISIS.

11 goals a scoring


No I didnt forget, I just got lazy, so because of that, I’m adding a little twist. Instead of a preview, how about a review of some of the action this week? Yes? Okay, I’ll try.


Arsenal vs Fulham

The first match of, oh you dont want me to recap this? Well nuts to you, and I was going to post a sideboob pic of Yvonne Strahovski.

What did I learn? Berba does sexy things, Giroud just might be a competent striker, and Arteta shouldn’t take penalties.

Stoke vs QPR

Didnt catch this one, but thankfully, the internet has thing called MOTD available to DL illegally.  What did I learn? That I make the correct decision in FM and FIFA every time I sell of Adel Taraabt. Guy is so infuriating to watch. Talented, no doubt, but he just makes way too many mistakes at this level.

Aston Villa v Manchester United

I’m already behind already in the recap, so it would make sense that the United game is next on the list. Poor Villa, 2-0 leads will be the death of them. First it was Kiko, and now it’s Chicharito. What did I learn? United need Vidic back, cause eventually RvP and Hernandez won’t be able to bail them off.

Chelsea vs Liverpool

In the Racist Cunt Darby, we saw the predictable happen, one racist leads to another, and somehow manage to take one out(Hopefully it’s a long term one). What did I learn? Forwards are valuable commodity, both squads are in desperate need of reinforcements on the front lines.

What to Watch For

  • The Fucking Midweek International Break, is there anything more useless than a friendly?
  • Gobble Gobble, then Rumble, Rumble. Turkey daze, and BF trampling for discount on shoddy merchandise
  • The Weather outside is frightful, oh but please  Dish signal stay delightful.
  • Your Place for EPL start times 
  • Oh yeah, boobs

Ten times the fun


The Big News, other than Chelsea FC- Racist till we Die, was the end of the FSC/ESPN era of covering the EPL as NBC has won the US TV Rights for the next season.

While I’ll be glad to see Warren Barton gone, I will miss the Darke/Macca combo. Here’s hoping they get hired away.

No predections this week, just the times.

Saturday, November 3

Manchester United vs Arsenal, 8:45am, ESPN2/ESPN3.com

Swansea City vs Chelsea, 11am, FOX Soccer

Fulham vs Everton, 11am, FOX Soccer 2Go

Tottenham vs Wigan, 11am, FOX Soccer Plus and FOX Soccer 2Go

Norwich vs Stoke, 11am, FOX Soccer 2Go

Sunderland vs Aston Villa, 11am, FOX Soccer 2Go

West Ham vs Manchester City, 1:30pm, FOX Soccer

Sunday, November 4:

QPR vs Reading, 8:30am, FOX Soccer

Liverpool vs Newcastle, 11am, FOX Soccer and, on tape delay, on FOX either at 2pm ET or 4:30pm ET

Monday, November 5:

West Brom vs Southampton, 3pm, ESPN2, ESPN Deportes and ESPN3.com