2012, be gone.

 

Never get a Frenchman mad, they seem to aim for the head, with their own head. But very much like a frenchman, they effort to attack is weak, and ends with them walking out defeated with their tails between their legs.

The Final weekend of the 2012 year ends exactly how it started with RVP scoring goals, and ‘Arry in his car waiting for Sky Sports News to interview him. What a year.

Manchester United vs West Brom

Once again the opposition puts the ball in the net first, luckily United’s All time Leading Goal Scorer, OG(Not fact checked) showed up to provide the 3 points(As well as some guy named van Persie). Shinji’s early ninja attacks on the West Brom back line set the tone for what was in the end, a comfortable afternoon at the Theater of Dreams.

Norwich vs Manchester City

This game had it all, Kun, a Dzeko, a Frenchman going crazy, and a horseshoe up an ass. Fucking City, down a man, and still score twice. 2013 better be different.

QPR vs Liverpool

This was the last game I had the misfortune to watch this year. ‘Arry with one foot out the door, and heading towards London, surely now wishes he had taken the Blackburn job. The game was so bad, that even Jaime Carragher was allowed to play once more.

Best of the Rest

Villa just allowed another goal. Everton hit the woodwork again. TW14 is a thing. Martin Jol has a new noose around his next. Cameron Jerome, wowsers. Villa allowed another goal. And Another.

Well lets call it a wrap on the 2012 year, never fear, when the clock strikes midnite, a new round of fixtures await.

What to watch for

  • “Arry takes a dip in the transfer pool
  • Bale and Suarez take turns diving in that pool
  • Bowls and playoffs.
  • Notre Dame overload. Fear it.

Oh Boxing Day…..

BerbaSex

After finally surviving the dreadful day known as Christmas(see you Jews, I can sympathize with y’all), I am rewarded with the greatest present of all, all day of footy action(Rex Ryan Approved).

It’s the type of day where you will watch anyone play, even them scousers. Well know that I’ve antagonized three different groups, yup Rex Ryan is big enough to be called a group, it’s time to break down some of that action.

Manchester United vs Newcastle

The first half of a double header Manchester/Geordie Darby saw a thrilling, wet, encounter with plenty of goals, and wet pissed off Scotsman. After Johnny Evans scored on both ends of the field, it came down to a Mexican to rescue the points and in the process saved a poor referee from a tongue lashing from a 75 year old. 1-0 Manchester leads.

Manchester City vs Sunderland

The other half of  Manchester/Geordie Darby produced a tale of two keepers. The England Number 1 vs Belgium’s Number 1(not sure on this one?) One left a howler go through him, and one stopped everything in sight. I’ll let you guess who choked **hint- England Always Chokes** Manchester 1. Geordies 1. Now let’s go to the shore. T-Shirt Time.

QPR vs West Brom

Well, ‘Arry will not be pleased with the result. One for who his side performed again, and another for the Chris Foy’s performance. Foy, the ref on the day, made plenty of questionable decisions, seemingly all against QPR. Including a pro bowl block on the keeper Rob Green for the West Brom Winner. Oh well time for ‘Arry to update the CV and find that new job for the next season, because he isnt staying with QPR in the championship.

Liverpool vs Stoke

Within 5 minutes of the kickoff we had a Suarez dive and route 1 goal from Stoke. It was that kind of day with Suarez not diving enough to save them Scousers. How close are you to second place again, Brendan?

What to Watch For

Have a Ho Ho Oh god Chelsea scored again

Well that certainly was a pretty lame end of the world. I was expecting more boobs, but alas we’ll just have(**Torres has scored again**) to settle for close ups of Interim Manager Rafa Benitez.

The Christmas period has arrive which can olny mean, IFC will show R-Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet on a loop for 48 hours **Hazard Scores** no of course I mean we have a flurry of 4 fixtures dates and a comatose posture as we sight through countless of hours of EPL action.

**Lampard Scores**

Manchester United vs Swansea-

Saying all that, I spent the first fixture date watching only one game. And what a game, we only had someone murdered, more amazingly a scouser or a jew wasnt involved. **Some 16 year old of the streets scores for Chelsea** SAF countered that attempted murder by bringing in Paul Scholes. Eye for an Eye. After all, it’s the Christmas Spirit.

The Rest

Now I didnt watch another match, but I did catch glimpses of some of the action, so here’s a quick wrap up.**Jonah hill just scored for Chelsea**  Arsenal decides it cant trust their strikers to score, so they must continue to dive. Happy Time “Arry Magic seems to have skipped the trip to Newcastle(I wouldnt go there either). And Villa must have gotten into the Eggnog a bit earlier cause everyone scored. It was like a Jewish whore house at Christmas.

What to Watch For

  • All the EPL action
  • Jew kids get really sad looking for a tree(This has jumped the shark I bet)
  • ** John Terry scored with everyone’s wife/GF and bulged the old onion bag for another goal**
  • Merry Christmas

 

We Amish

Breaking News

7:00 PM- Breaking New, the super amazing Thunder Snow/Sleet storm has begun. The Mayans Apocalypse has begun, now will we ever see the Sun again? Will we ever see Jay Cutler throw another interception? Will the NHL continue to do stupid things.

In my continuing attempt to ride out the end of the world, I will not list the top sports moments of the 2012 year.

7. NBC coverage of the Summer Olympics- 

6. Lance Stops Fighting- We all suspected he did. We live on strong with the knowledge that if he fought the good fight we would believe he was clean. Well that stopped, and so did our belief

5. The Final Day of the 2011-2012 EPL Season- For the first time in the US, we had an explosiveni on of EPL matches on TV, and on the final day just about every game was available to watch on basic Cable, culminating in 2 goals in the final 90 seconds to award Manchester City its first every title in 30 years.

4. Ryder Cup Meltdown- The 2012 Ryder Cup looked like it would come back to the USA. Europe needed what amounted to a Hail Mary to win. On the Final Sunday they needed all the matches to break their way, and then it happen, shots went wayward, putts missed, a Lefty meltdown, matches lost for the US. And with Tiger Woods as the anchor to possible save the day, he was render useless as Jim Fuyrk the captains choice choked away the victory on the 17th green at Medinah.

3. Infield Fly- Pixie Dust. Ah yes. But luckily Posey Dust overpowered it and we were saved from another Cardinals World Series.

2. What the World Burn-The Summers Olympics were on fucking delay, so I will delay mentioning them as welll. Lebron won a title. The world media sucked his cock for the next 3 months.

1.  It’s a Messi World Out There- 90 fucking goals in a year.

What To Watch For

Part 2: Mayans Strikes Back Electric Boogaloo

All the Mayans food

All the Mayans food

 

The rain has stopped, the sun is peeking through the clouds, one last chance to visit the KenTacoHut before the clock stops ticking. Which of course means it’s time for part 2 of the Mayans Top of 2012 lists.2:00 PM

Part 1 dealt with the silver screen, but now we move on to those on the small screen. Now there way many shows that could have made the list, some new, some long time favorites, but all of them provide countless hours of entertainment.

Spoiler Alert, my top two shows of 2012 are comedies.

7. Mad Men/Wilfred- A tie Don Draper, Peggy Olson and a guy in a fricking dog suit what’s not to like? What’s not to like. Plus this happened. Zou Bisou Bisou Away.

6. Happy Endings- One of these funniest shows on television. Elisha Cuthbert, Eliza Coupe just will this show to greatness.  The Kickball episode is one to check out.

5. Justified- Raylan Givens, you knew he would make an appearance on this list. Now Season 3 never had a chance to live up to the heights of Season 2, but it did well enough. Also, Natalie Zea.

4. Homeland-  Sophomore slump hit this program, yet it did well enough in 2012 to reach the top. Carrie, Saul and Brody were once again a bright spot on TV this year.

3. Breaking Bad- You bring in Lance from FNL, and he does that? AMC did its best to make sure I didn’t watch it, but guess what, I am that one that Watches.

2. Louie- Parkey Posey should up, I dont know. Just watch, and then you try to describe it.

1. Parks and Recreation- Leslie Knope. How can anyone not root for her? Better yet, how can anyone not vote for her?

There you have it, I like to laugh and watch law enforcement officials solve crimes. Also Natalie Zea.

What to Watch For

  • Sports
  • If the Sun does come up tomorrow
  • Will my Josh Vitters survive the apocalypse?

It’s the End of the World as we know it…..

Mayans Bread

 

As we are spiraling closer into the abyss that is the Mayan calendar, I figure there is no better time than now than to do a top 5-10 list of the greatest movies/TV shows/Moments of 2012. So as the clock tick towards the end, lets look back.

11:00 AM- It’s raining, surely a sign of the end, but first, the top Movies of 2012. My criteria? That they didnt suck, also hot chicks.  I’ll do my best to remember if these movies actually were released in 2012.

7. Jeff Who Lives at Home- Jason Segel, who will show again in this list stars in this flick. The lack of boobs, is why it ranks this low.

6. The Avengers- The first of the comic book movies on this list. Saw it twice, bought the blu ray. I liked it. Wasnt great, but it did have ScarJo so that’s a plus.

5. Looper- Yes, I’ve fallen for the JGL trap. Throw in the Emily Blunt and Bruce Willis trap and well how you can not like this flick? Also it was good.

4. Trouble with the Curve- Really predictable movie, but doesnt mean it’s not fun to watch. Old Man Clint and Baseball. Old Hottie Amy Adams.

3. The Amazing Spider-Man- I actually wasnt a fan of this, but well Bryce Dallas Howard and Emma Stone elevates a lot of things

2. The 5-Year Engagement- No shortage of Jews here, wait what? Surely someone in the cast is Jewish? Oh well Jason Segel has made his way back onto the list, and he brought Emily Blunt and Alison Brie with him. What a nice guy.

1. The Dark Knight Rises- The Batman. Plus VANE, errr Bane. Also Anne Hathaway. Need I say more through a mask?

11:30 AM- There’s a Storm coming of my worst movie of the yearand fittingly it’s, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Just brutal.

What to Watch For

  • TV shows
  • Hot Chicks
  • FIRE and BRIMSTONE