Breaking BadAttempt at Writing

Thierry: Blow the whistle already Webb, start the match. I dont like getting up this early

Eric: I wonder if the players make their pilgrimage to the MJ statue before or after the match.

EC:

>>>>The following conversation has been redacted because you are a DISH Network Subscriber.<<<<<

TH: Podolski 2 goals, he aint bad, but he aint French. I love me some French boys

EC: I know you do.

EC: Full time, Arsene survives another day. To the next one Thierry, bring the pot stickers.

>>>>>>>The Rest of the Saturday and Sunday Matches have been voided because you landed on Jackpot on the Time Warner Wheel of Death, your neighbor may have NBCSN Extra Time, but you wont<<<<<<<

TH: Eric, get the prawn sandwiches, it’s Chelsea/United time. 

EC: Fuck off.

TH: Hey look it’s Rooney, why havent the announcers mentioned that he’s playing?

EC: Fuck Off.

TH: Jose is waving, and look and there’s Rooney with hair.

EC: Fuck Off.

TH: Full time, that was fun.

EC: Fuck Off. 

What to Watch For

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I Should Have Said No to this(EPL PREVIEW, sort of)

swizzle

Stay, stay, stay
I’ve been loving you for quite some time, time, time
You think that it’s funny when I’m mad, mad, mad
But I think that it’s best if we both stay, stay, stay, stay.

I just like hanging out with you all the time
All those times that you didn’t leave its been occurring to me
I’d like to hang out with you for my whole life.

Basically, what I’m trying to say, EPL, i just want you stay stay stay, dont be going away for summer break.

EPL Bare Minimum Preview

1. Chelsea

Roman to Jose, “You tell me about your past thinking your future was me.
And I know it’s long gone, and there was nothing else I could do, And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to. Cause here we are again in the middle of the night, We’re dancing round the kitchen in the refrigerator light.
Down the stairs I was there I remember it all too well
And maybe we got lost in translation. Maybe I asked for too much. But maybe this thing was a masterpiece. Till you tore it all up, Running scared, I was there I remember it all too well.” Maybe things will different this time, Roman. Maybe not

2. Manchester City– Another name goes up in lights. You wonder if you’ll make it out alive. And they’ll tell you now, you’re the lucky one. Yeah, they’ll tell you now, you’re the lucky one. Can you tell me now, you’re the lucky one, oh, oh, oh Pellegrini, you better make the Knockout Stages of the Champions Leauge

3. Manchester United– Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes. Tell myself its time now, gotta let go. But moving on from him is impossible. When I still see it all in my head. Burning reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed! Loving him was red! Old Man Fergie, you’ll be missed on the touchline.

4. Arsenal– No apologies, he’ll never see you cry. Pretends he doesn’t know that he’s the reason why. You’re drowning, you’re drowning. You’re drowning-ing-ing-ing-ing. Oh Goonies supporters, when will you know that Wenger When will you know Wenger was trouble when he walked in? Trouble, trouble, trouble!

5. Spurs– And this is when the feeling sinks in. I don’t wanna miss you like this.

Come back… Bale here. Come back… Bale here.

I guess you are not in London today, I don’t wanna need you this way.

Come back… Bale here. Come back… Bale here

6. Liverpool–  Suarez to Rodgers, “We are never, ever, ever getting back to the Champions League, We are never, ever, ever getting back to the Champions League. You go talk to your Chairman, talk to my Agent, talk to me, but We are never, ever, ever getting back to the Champions League.”

7. Everton– Yeah we’re happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time
It’s miserable and magical oh yeah. We have an owner doesnt like to spend, and it’s time. Cause I dont know about you, but they dont look like they could field a squad of twenty twoooooooooooooooo.

8. West Brom– And I don’t know how it gets better than this last season, Hodgson,  You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless back to midtable battle.

9. Norwich–  they aren’t a fairytale, they aren’t the ones who’ll sweep you off your feet with their style. Leading them up the standings. And it’s too late for you and your white Horse, Grant Holt for me to care.

10. Swansea– And I said hello, little did I know….. That you were Michu, you were scoring golazos. And my Chairman said stay away from my Juliet. And I was crying on the staircase, Begging you please don’t go, and I said Michu take me somewhere we can be alone. I’ll be waiting all there’s left to do is run, You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess

It’s a love story baby just say yes and say no to the European Giants.

11. Stoke– You come around and the armor falls. Pierce the room like a cannonball. Now all we know, is dont let go. We are alone just you and me, Up in your room and our slates are clean, Just twin fire signs, four blue eyes- Tony Pullis to himself in the mirror

12. Fulham– Oh Berba, Drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain. Kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain, ‘Cause I see sparks fly

Whenever you scoooooooooore, gooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalssssssssssssssss.

13. Aston Villa– Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find. That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time. If you could see that I’m the one who understands you. Been here all along, so Benteke why can’t you see?

You, you belong with Villa, you belong with Villa

14. Newcastle– So don’t you worry your pretty little mind. People throw rocks at things that shine. And life makes love look hard. The stakes are high, the water’s rough, but this squad is yours. Your french revolution will surely work again, Pardew.

15. Hull City– Alex and Steve Bruce on Hull City chances, “This slope is treacherous. This path is reckless. This slope is treacherous. And I, I, I like it.”

16. West Ham– I’ll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold, Big Sam. But the cycle ends right now ’cause you can’t lead me down that trap door. And you don’t know what you don’t know that, all you’re ever gonna be is mean. And Fat. And a Mediocre manager at Upton Park

17. Cardiff– Another club from Wales. They dont get another Swifty.

18. Sunderland– And you throw your head back laughing,  Like a little kid…I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny, Cause he never did…And I’ve been spending the last 8 months wondering how you’ll blow up, and then on a Wednesday at a Cafe, I saw you sign Jozy Altidore. The Relegation fight and the search for a new manager,  Begins Again.

19. Southampton– Music starts playin’ like the end of a sad movie. It’s the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see. ‘Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down. Now I don’t know what to be without you around, oh that’s right no one will care if you go down, so you can go ahead and breathe.

20. Crystal Palace– Ian Holloway on Wilfried Zaha no longer being there, “He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar. The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.” Actually I could see Ian saying that

And Now for the Sad Part- I had all those songs in my library, some that I actually paid for. And well you had to read that. I’m not really sorry. But this part I am, no Boobs today.

My Dog just unleashed a hellish fart, so I’m out

 

Guys…I know Kung-Fu……..Or Maybe I dont, who cares there’s Boobs

There’s a good chance that you’ll need an intersect in your head to understand this picture above. That’s an actual photo used by NBC/WB to promote the TV Show Chuck. Fans of the show would easily recognize Chuck, Morgan, Sarah, and Casey, but that one woman in between Chuck and Morgan might draw a puzzled response from many a Chuck fan.

Who is that person?  Why is she there? Well to find an answer to that we must delve deep into the interwebz.

And now that I’m done looking at porn here the answer, she is Natalie Martinez, and she was to be Chuck’s next door neighbor and his love interest, but was she cut from the pilot/series. Chucktv dot net has the story.

The Highlights

” …Many people have forgotten, or maybe never knew, that Sarah was only one of Chuck’s original love interests. There was someone else, someone close by, that Chuck would be secretly pining for from day one. That’s right, geometry haters, the show nearly launched with Chuck embroiled in a love triangle. Who was the vixen who would further complicate the sweet but fragile dawning of affection between our star-crossed lovers?

Her name was Kayla Hart.

Kayla was Chuck’s next door neighbor. Single, twenty-five and heavily into the indie music scene, Kayla worked at the ticket counter of Spaceland, the very same club Chuck took Sarah to in the pilot…”

She was in the Pilot you say? Another quick check of the interwebz has produced a pdf of that script, and guess what, she’s in there.(Here’s the link to script)

So what does all this mean? I mean we were robbed of another hot chick! Damn you Fedak and Schwartz.

What to Watch For

  • And now for what you’ve all been waiting for Boobs, here’s Kate Upton
  • More Kate Upton
  • Since it’s a Chuck thing, Rachel Bilson says hi. I wonder what that sandwich is called