Tips for US Soccer “fans”

It’s been 4 years since the lot of you have pretended to care about soccer. So there’s a chance you may have forgotten the proper USA etiquette on how to watch a 90 minute match involving the good ol US of A.

  1. When the Other team scores, make sure to scream bullshit and that’s a conspiracy.
  2. When the US doesnt score, make sure to scream bullshit and that’s a conspiracy.
  3. When the US wins, make sure to proclaim that soccer has finally arrived.
  4. When the USA loses, make sure to proclaim that no one cares about soccer anyways, and how about them Heat/Patriots/Other Bandwagon team?

There you have, enjoy the world cup

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Rumbo al Mundial

It’s that time of the year again. Where I make an ass of myself by trying to make predictions on sporting events. The victim this time around is the 2014 World Cup.

I’m sure you’re asking, Now Mo, why would you take on this grueling challenge?

What? You’re not? Fuck you.

Group A

  1. Brazil
  2. Los Mexicanos
  3. The Croats
  4. Poor non payed Cameroons

Group B

  1. The Spain
  2. The Dutch
  3. The Chiles
  4. The Aussie

Group C

  1. Japan(PREDICT A MAKING)
  2. Greece
  3. Ivory Coast
  4. Columbia(nobody die please)

Group D

  1. Ur a Gay
  2. Greasy  I talians
  3. British Bastards, quid that
  4. Costa Rica. Where’s your Wanchope now?!?!

Group E

  1. Le France
  2. El Ecuador
  3. Di Swiss
  4. El Honduras

Group F 

  1. Le Messi
  2. Le Pjanic
  3. The Nigerians…….Oh that could have been bad
  4. The Terrorists never win…….like that

Group G

  1. Germany
  2. USA
  3. Portugal
  4. Ghana

Group H

  1. The Hazard Warnings
  2. The Russians are coming
  3. Korea, i forget is the good korea or the bad korea.
  4.  Algeria I saw a movie once about them

Knockout stage predictions, soon.

 

 

 

Hash a tag Burgs

mad

 

 

I said I didnt want to be a pretentious ass when the reboot happened, but here I am, ready to do a hardcore TV Snob. But really come on, wasnt that just the best of Don, Campbell and Peggy?

Oh you didnt watch it? Well you’re an ass.

Anyways, last Sundays episode led me to this very original thought. A very hitfixish attempt to rank the shows that on their very best day provided with some of the best hour(or half hour) of television that Philo Farnsworth could have envisioned.

  •  Now these happened way less as the series progressed, but Chuck enters my list at number 10. Check out the second half of Season 2 for fine examples. 2.19 is my favorite.
  • The first sitcom on my list goes to the gone too soon, Happy Endings. It started off slow, and ending slow, but it had a great middle. Season 2(there’s a theme here) is some of the best TV I’ve seen.
  • The first HBO show to find its way onto my list is Six Feet Under. A show that showcased the greatness of Peter Krause and the unsoiled, raw version of pre dexter Michael C Hall.
  • There had to be one Aaron Sorkin show on my list, even though he’s an ass, he does produce good TV. West Wing, specifically the S1 cliffhanger and the S2 two parter is 3 great hours of TV. S2 finale is also worth mentioning.
  • Second HBO show on my list is none other The Wire.The opening credits song might have changed but the quality remained the same.(well if we ignored that fifth season which we all agreed to do so)
  • Entering my top 5 is the longest running primetime TV Show(dont fact check please) in The Simpsons. The Conan O’Brien years produced so many great hours of television.
  • You didnt think I’d forget about Don Draper did you? Elisabeth Moss second show Mad Men wasnt always my favorite show, in fact I didnt much care for the first season. Actually, why is it on here? Oh yeah this.
  • Entering the top 3, and it’s back to back AMC shows with Breaking Bad. The show that will win all the awards. If you’ve seen it, then there’s no need for me to butcher it. If you havent, fuck you, check out S3/4 for full awesomeness, bitch.
  • The FX sweep of the top 2 spots begins with the adaptation of Leonard Elmore Raylan Givens short stories in Justified. Bringing back the theme, Season 2 is just must watch for any aspiring TV snob.
  • Of course the number 1 spot was going to the my favorite tv show in The Shield. Just watch it all.
  • Honorable Mentions, Scrubs, Sports Night, Futurama, Louie, and The Americans.

What To Watch For

  • Mo’s Totally True World Cup Facts looks at group C. Shut it I dont need to go in order.
  • Columbia- I’ve watch so much of Pablo Escobar stuff via History Channel and telenovelas
  • Greece- Gyros are greek food right? I like gyros
  • Ivory Coast-  It’s a fucking disgrace that this is all i got
  • Japan- I’ve owned nintendos, snes, gameboys, PS1, Ps2 and PS3s. I like a japan a products.

Rise and FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well it has happened, FOX has hitched their Soccer Wagon to the Gus Johnson express. Sports Illustrated reveal today that FOX has tabbed Gus Johnson to be their main guy at the 2018 World Cup, for which they have the TV rights to.

In preparation for it, he will be calling crucial Champions League Matches as early as 8 days from now. The self professed novice, who prepared for this upcoming journey by “been playing pickup soccer since last summer on the West Side of Manhattan to ‘feel and learn the game.” If I had know those were the requirements I would have been first in line at FOX Sports HQ to apply for this position. Just look at my FIFA Virtual Pro skillz

Now my rapid reaction to this, is WHY FOX WHY? WHY DO THIS TO US AGAIN?!??!

But as I step back from this, there’s 5 years from now until the first World Cup match on FOX. 5 years for Gus to adjust his style for the die hard soccer audience without alienated the novice. And worst comes to worst we here in the states still have the spanish feed.And even better he’ll mostly be relegated to the USA Games. So I can ignore him

My only beef with this move is the on the job training during such a crucial Champions League matches. During a FA Cup Match? Sure go nuts. Just leave me Martin Tyler and company to watch the biggest matches in Europe. Don’t give us Michael Strahan trying to explain the difference of Football and Soccer.

Lets just hope this doesn’t turn out to be another Dave O’Brien situation. Soccer in the US can’t afford that. But till then, Rise and Fire to the occasion, Gus. HA-HA!